Posts by Richard Sutherland
Richard Sutherland is the author of 'The Unitary Authority of Ersatz', a quirky collection of short stories and humorous poetry. People used to tell him that he looked like Clark Kent, but now he's had a haircut that makes him look more like Morrissey. He will do pretty much anything in return for a kilogram of Pick 'n' Mix and a ride on your sledge in wintertime. A lifelong dream of his is to one day spell 'ziggurat' in Scrabble on a triple word tile. His favourite paint colour is Cornish Pasty.
Sir. Sir? Excuse me, sir!
Mmmmuh?
I think it’s time you went home, sir.
Ah shed wun mawwwww.
I believe you’ve had enough, sir, don’t you?
Vvv’not! Only ‘ad two-ur-free. Beshides, it’sh Marja— *urp* —risha Day.
Seventeen, sir, you’ve had seventeen margaritas.
…Naahhhhhhhhhh. You musht be finkin bout somewun elsh.
Come along, now, shall I call you a taxi home?
Dawww. OK then, shore.
Thank you, sir. What’s your address?
Vvv’no idea.
But surely you must remember your own address?
…
Is it near here?
Wherezh’ere?
The Hilton.
Ehhhh? We ant gorran’ilton in’ull.
You’re not in Hull, …
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You can’t beat a good old crispy-at-the-edges-squidgy-in-the-middle circle of fried batter for Pancake Day.
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It’s Love Your Pet Day, and what did I do to celebrate this? I left the house at 8:15am to go to work, returned for a fleeting visit at 5pm to give them some evening chow, only to then depart again, not to return until after 10pm. I’m a rubbish pet owner.
I assure you that this doesn’t usually happen, for these are special circumstances (I actually had something to do this evening). Besides, I’m always lovely to them. Every day …
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This blog certainly does give me a cerebral and creative workout, but it’s not doing me much good physically. In February alone (bearing in mind it’s still only the 19th) we’ve had Crepe Day, Bubblegum Day, Ice Cream For Breakfast Day and Nutella Day
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Battery Day prompts us to ‘take a moment to consider how many of your household items use batteries’, so I did exactly that.
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Random Acts Of Kindness Day? But I’m always randomly acting kind to people, can’t I have a day off from it and be horrible instead?
I’m currently enjoying a week away from work, as on Valentine’s Day (AKA Ferris Wheel Day) I celebrated my 30th birthday, despite having the mental and emotional age of a nineteen-year-old that feeds on paranoia and angst. As a result, being a big fan of staying home to read and relax whenever I get chance, I …
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