There was a time when every new holiday season was graced by the march of the horrific as Grandma’s, Aunt’s, and who knows who else took the time to lovingly craft these ‘Thoughtful Craft Gifts For Your Family’. Or, as we horrified receivers of these crimes against fashion call them, the ‘Ugly Christmas Sweater’.
The History of the Ugly Christmas Sweater
It’s easy to believe that these atrocities began as lovingly crafted gifts, after all there was a time when a warm winter sweater was one of the most amazing things you could receive. It’s a little bit like getting socks for Christmas as adults now, it was the only way to ensure your loved ones stayed warm.
Ok, more likely what it was was the outcome of the horrific fashion sense of the 1930-1950’s crooners, when bright sweaters with horrific designs combined with pants so short they were just Capri’s with delusions of grandeur. (If you don’t know what Capri pants are, count yourself lucky)
So Why Celebrate Them?
Well, as mentioned above, these sweaters were often gifts from loved ones, particularly elderly grandparents, and to not wear them would break the old girl’s heart. So what was a loving family member to do but wear them? Unlike the Fruit Cake, they became a much beloved holiday meme, something that everyone could recognize… and in time, the challenge was on.
Who had the worst possible sweater? What tragedies of fibercraft were you hiding in your closet for fear the sun would wake them and send them on a hate fueled rampage across fashion sensibilities holiday-wide? These were the games that we played with what were the greatest embarrassments we were ever forced to wear.
But eventually it became an institution, with companies taking pains to bring back these memories in their own image. Now you could find ugly Christmas sweaters on the shelves of your favorite clothing retailer each year, and each year they seemed to get worse than the year before.
Get organized with your atrocity
Since this thing has decided it must be, it’s best to embrace it and get organized about it. Ugly Christmas Sweater Day is like Halloween 2 months later, it’s a second Halloween where the goal is to pick the article from your closet that will cause the most eye-searing pain and vertigo based nausea to your friends and relations.
See if you can turn your office into a vortex of visual horror by organizing them to get together for this event, bring your worst sweater and inflict it upon your neighbors. With any luck it will be a quiet day, for surely no customer (unless wearing one of their own) will truly want to cross the barriers of your place of employment and put their sanity in danger.