You can’t beat a bit of deoxyribonucleic acid, or “DNA” as most people call it. In fact, if you suddenly found yourself missing said bit of DNA, you could also find yourself suddenly transformed into a platypus, a Hedge Warbler, or a particularly disgruntled woodlouse.

But of course I jest. As DNA Day informs, its namesake is the recipe of life, but it’d take far more than a pinch of it removed from your chromosomes to turn you into a different species; you’d probably just end up looking like that guy who gets dunked in toxic waste in Robocop; or if you were particularly unlucky, a member of parliament.

So let’s all thank James Watson and Francis Crick for their discovery and everyone who has since been involved with DNA research, but at the same time let’s give them a kick up the bum. After all, surely by now we should all be X-Men, with superhuman abilities, spandex costumes, and bald paraplegic millionaires to keep us living in luxury. Clearly we need to increase the funding; I want me some magnet powers.


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