So it’s 1st January 2013, which means that the Days of the Year blog for 2012 is all done and dusted.
See, I admit I was pretty lax in December, only writing three posts during its thirty-one days, but hopefully the fact that it was Human Rights Month will warrant me some slack, as I was simply applying my human right to be a lazy oaf.
Anyway, we all know about Valentine’s Day, Halloween and Christmas and all that, but I thought it would be interesting to look back (and forwards) to a few days that might evade most people. After all, this website shares the bizarre, obscure and lesser known celebrations of the calendar, so only the most ardent visitors will be aware of all forty billion of them. Right, let’s be (chrono)logical and begin with January.
1st January: Z Day
It’s always good to start the year with something random and unexpected. Usually I build a scarecrow in the neighbour’s front garden to scare the hell out of them when they open the curtains the next morning, but letting someone whose name begins with Z go first in line is a more amicable alternative. We must all surely have a friend called Zebedee or Zulu, so take the opportunity to step back and push them onto a bus, regardless as to whether or not they actually wish to travel anywhere.
11th February: White Shirt Day
A white shirt is ideal for interviews and weddings alike, although the chances of either of these events happening to fall on this particular day are minimal. My solution is to wear a white shirt anyway and to then cover it in as many stains as is humanly possible over the next ten hours or so. Ketchup, coffee, grass, sweat, general dirt (or perhaps even situation-specific dirt depending on your circumstances), and hell, maybe even a splatter or two of blood; feel free to go wild! A filthy shirt tells a tale, so make sure yours is one worth knowing, and a trip to see monkeys at the zoo will never be more beneficial.
9th March: Barbie Day
Lads, you can enjoy this occasion just as much as the lasses, but whilst they’re cooing over memories of their favourite childhood toy, you can dismantle a large number of the popular doll and use the heads to make a very fetching necklace for that special someone in your life. (Adding moustaches and blacking out teeth will show your knack for creativity as well as romance.)
1st April: Fish Fingers and Custard Day
Good old BBC, they’re the ones who aired the Doctor Who episode in which the time-travelling alien genius eats this really weird dish. Always looking to try new things, I gave it a whirl and even managed to keep it down. That, however, is the extent of my culinary critique, as you really need to try it for yourself, but make sure you have a bucket at hand.
3rd May: Paranormal Day
The perfect excuse to dress up in your finest bed sheet and hide in the staff toilets with the lights switched off. Extra points if you make your co-workers do their business before reaching a cubicle.
6th June: Drive-in Movie Day
What could be better than spending the evening at a good old-fashioned drive-in movie? Popcorn in the glove compartment, Coca Cola balancing precariously on the dashboard, car door obscuring you from view of strangers when you jump at the scary bits, and you can even put the seat back (provided there’s no one sat behind you). If your hometown doesn’t have a drive-in cinema, it’s always worth seeing if your local multiplex will open the fire exit to a screen and let you watch from the car park. If all else fails, I’m sure your TV and DVD player can reach outside with the use of an extension lead.
8th July: SCUD Day
No, it’s not the day when you release all of your tactical ballistic missiles, SCUD instead stands for Savour the Comic, Unplug the Drama, so take a trip to the joke shop, stock up on whoopee cushions, chattering teeth and sweets that will burn away stomach lining, then release your excellent sense of humour upon an unsuspecting world!
3rd August: Watermelon Day
A healthy and refreshing fruit that comes with good-sized pips ideal for spitting at people. This will prove even more fun if you’re a commuter, although please do employ stealth so that you arrive at your destination without a black eye.
19th September: Talk Like a Pirate Day
ARRRRR, ME HEARTIES! Embrace your inner buccaneer by grabbing a parrot and a bottle of rum and talking to people as if you’re a Cornish farmer with a penchant for blowing things up with cannonballs. A truly fun occasion that can be enjoyed by the whole family, and especially liberating when you go all out and plunder a few parking meters for pieces of eight.
9th October: Face Your Fears Day
It’s time to get onto an airplane, speak in front of a large audience, stick a tarantula down your knickers and maybe even go to see an extra-long amateur dramatics production without an interval: facing your fears is a fine tribute to this website’s philosophy of seizing the day, and you’ll be a damn sight braver for doing it.
11th November: Origami Day
The traditional Japanese art of paper folding can be so much fun, unless of course you’re useless at it like I am, in which case it’s ridiculously frustrating and you just end up with a load of confetti. Either way, I recommend turning junk mail and utility bills into something far more vibrant and useful, such as a miniature pig that you can carry on your shoulder and speak to whilst walking down the street – you’ll be given a wide berth wherever you go and get from A to B so much faster. Just make sure not to break down and cry if it begins to rain.
31st December: No Interruptions Day
It’s the final twenty-four hours of the calendar; you’re all set for the messy events of New Year’s Eve but perhaps not the mission of cleaning up and dealing with a hangover the following morning. So block out all interruptions as you do everything you can to make 1st January a doddle, such as buying the cleaning products, breakfast components and aspirin early, getting all other chores up to scratch, and perhaps even apologising to the neighbours in advance for the scarecrow you plan to build in their garden that night.
So there we have it, a look back at some pretty nifty days that also double as highlights for the upcoming year. If it weren’t for this website I wouldn’t know about any of them, nor would I have met the amazing team, enjoyed a year of the weird and wonderful, and been recognised in the street by a stranger as “that bloke who writes that thing about stuff every day”. I’d like to take this opportunity to thank you, the readers, for coming back throughout 2012, and I hope that 2013 brings you Vulcan-like prosperity. And remember: “carpe diem” is a way of life, not the Latin term for a deep-bodied freshwater fish. Good day to you all. x