Tempura Day, what a treat for the weekend! Basically I get to cover things in batter. Food, that is, I get to cover food in batter; I’m not going to use it to grout the bathroom or make a soothing face mask or anything weird like that.

Now, I’d never made batter before so I followed these instructions, naturally opting for the version that included beer. There’s a good chance I might have sprinkled some Chip Spice in there too, but I managed to refrain from adding a gobbet of Marmite, which I use in the majority of my dishes.

Fun Fact: Despite its name, American Chip Spice originates from my hometown of Hull. However, I admit I have a problem and will book a place at the local branch of the CSAA (Chip Spice Abusers Anonymous) as soon as I get round to launching it.

I’d love to tell you about how the mixture went wrong, how one of the cats got into the bowl and traipsed goo all over the house, and how I somehow scorched one of my eyebrows, but unfortunately none of that happened. In actual fact, the fish I coated came out crispy and delicious; such an anticlimax, at least for someone who likes to write about hilarious disasters. So, to compensate, I wrote you all a little rhyme:


Tasty batter

is the subject matter.

A scatter, a smatter,

a spatter, a splatter;

cover all your food

and serve on a platter,

but don’t eat too much

as it’ll make you fatter.


Move over, Carol Ann Duffy, that Poet Laureate post is rightly mine!

I hope you all enjoy today, especially those who break a New Year’s resolution and then blame Days Of The Year. You guys in particular are my kind of people and deserve a second helping if you ask me.


Be the First to Comment!