Yikes, it’s Friday the 13th – unlucky for some. Thank goodness it’s also Rubber Duckie Day; that more than makes up for it, unless of course you trip over one, in which case the day will still balance out.

So, what can I say? Rubber duckies are possibly one of my most favourite things, yet I never seem to own one. I might buy a rubber duckie for a laugh or because I genuinely feel that the bathroom’s lacking its true essence, but it always seems to go missing. I won’t blame the cats on this one, I think I must absentmindedly throw them away when they start to discolour with mildew and get some of my body hairs lodged in their beaks. And can you blame me? No self-respecting bachelor is going to keep a mouldy plastic bird with a wispy beard next to his pumice stone.

However, I’m really excited about today’s celebration as I feel that I should always own a rubber duckie, be it sparkly or gruesome. It’s one of those objects you never use but is essential regardless, like an egg timer in the kitchen or a pen in the living room – its function is simply to be there and make your home complete. But like I said, I very rarely actually own a rubber duckie, so I had to purchase one today. But then why only purchase one when you can get ten for a tenner? Only a madman would return home without taking advantage of such a well-timed special offer.

And that’s why there’s a rubber duckie pyramid at the top of this page, resplendent in its dazzling yellowness and abundance of painted eyelashes. I have to say that photo does make me smile, not least because the pyramid has since been demolished and the ducks scattered across the carpet. I am now sat gazing sadly at what looks like the aftermath of some horrible orgy, and I can’t imagine it will be long before the cats try to eat a couple of the helpless little creatures… happy Rubber Duckie Day, one and all!

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