Today is Frog Jumping Day, so I put on my best trainers and popped down to see my good friend Kermit.

Opening the door, he flailed his arms above his head whilst going “AAAARRRRGGGHHHH!!!” as I ran forward. He’s a slippery devil and managed to dash off before I could jump, so I swiftly followed him into the kitchen. The chase lasted a few exhausting minutes before Kermit tripped over the edge of a rug and fell flat on his belly. An opportunity!

Unfortunately my aim was a little off and my weight far too great, so it proved a very short game.

I wouldn’t let the kids watch Sesame Street tomorrow if I were you – the day’s episode will be brought to you by the letters RIP.

(God, I’m evil.)

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