Dress Up Your Pet Day should prove a giggle, because unless you own a poisonous arachnid there are so many hilarious possibilities.

As I seem to mention all the time in this blog, I own two cats; the girl is called Miyako, which means something in Japanese but I can’t remember what (hopefully nothing offensive to any Japanese readers), and the boy’s name is James May, an unimaginative tribute to… well, James May. (If you don’t know who James May is, just look up Top Gear on Wikipedia.)

Now, my day had quite an apt beginning; whilst queuing in a newsagent to buy the local paper (which includes an article about this blog), the old woman in front of me taking a painfully long time to buy cigarettes and rice pudding had a feeble poodle by her side. The poor little thing had less meat on it than a Quorn burger and was shaking like a leaf, despite wearing a garish pink coat with ‘Princess’ emblazoned across its back in rhinestones. I almost tapped the woman on the shoulder to congratulate her on embracing today’s occasion so wholeheartedly, but I reckon I would have received nothing more than a befuddled and blatantly irritated gummy grimace in return.

I had a full day of the usual weekend activities, such as moving washing machines and doing my back in, so when I finally got round to dressing up the cats I held my breath and hoped for a smooth and painless few minutes of playing with dapper paisley ties and perhaps a sombrero. But who was I fooling? Of course that didn’t happen. Instead Miyako ran around like a frightened pig and James, who is so affectionate and gentle, scratched me across the arm before thundering upstairs to hide under the bed. I’d love to tell you that I persevered and it all came up trumps, but to be honest I truly value the skin on my body and the pleasant ongoing relationship that the cats and I share. So I’m afraid I had to cancel the catwalk (pun intended but regretted) and instead rely on a mobile phone app to add a bit of bling to James’s life.

I must now leave you until tomorrow as I’ve created a secondary celebration of my own: Dress The Wounds Caused As a Result Of Dress Up Your Pet Day Day. I wouldn’t recommend it, though; it’s not as fun as it sounds.


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