As a lad I never understood what sea monkeys were, despite my mam constantly reiterating that they were particularly shrimpy shrimps.

Now that Sea Monkey Day has reared its cute little aquatic head, I’m mega tempted to buy some off eBay. I might get an ant farm too whilst I’m at it (another childhood fancy), although there’s a fair chance I might get the two mixed up and be banged up for animal cruelty.

“What are you in for?”

“Drowning insects and suffocating crustaceans.”

Yeah, that’ll go down well. I might just stick with cats, they’re much easier – I at least know which end the food goes in.

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