I actually had a few ideas for Barbie Day. I was going to irritate my co-workers by placing one in random areas around the office throughout the day; give another an Afro using a microphone muff and make her dance The Hustle; and maybe even see if a third could survive “jumping” from a shopping centre’s rooftop car park onto a Subaru.
However, all of these activities would involve me buying three Barbies, and I simply couldn’t bring myself to do that. I have a reputation to uphold, after all. Not a good one, I admit, but not one that involves buying fashion dolls on my lunch break either.
Still, the Days Of The Year Facebook page asked fans their favourite Barbie accessory, so naturally I suggested ‘Star Trek Convention Segway Barbie’. But can you believe that there isn’t one? Even worse, I couldn’t find a single image on Google of a costumed Trekkie on the two-wheeled, self-balancing contraption, which was a real shock in itself – I thought it was their sole form of transportation, both in public and at home.
I toyed (pun not intended) with the idea of Photoshopping a Barbie face and Star Trek uniform onto a photo of a Segway user, but I was at work and such activity is generally frowned upon when you’re meant to be writing press releases about the gas and oil industry and smoking cessation campaigns. I also knew that after work I’d be going straight to the gym, then out on the lash with friends, so, in the end, I had to do a rush job in the few minutes I could snatch between post-workout shower and pre-club drinks.
The result was a screenshot of the immobilised Captain Christopher Pike from the original Star Trek series, with a Barbie face very poorly stuck over his own (feast your eyes on the abomination above).
Surely this is what Ruth Handler had in mind when Mattel launched her creation 53 years ago? And I’d better get royalties when they hit the shelves at Toys “R” Us or I’ll kidnap Ken’s summer wardrobe and hold it to ransom!
Christopher Pike image was taken from http://en.memory-alpha.org/wiki/Christopher_Pike