Columnists Day. Man, so many choices.

I’ve always admired the Doric order for its simplicity, but then I generally prefer my architectural features to be ornate, so if you’ll excuse me I’m going to overlook it. That goes for the Tuscan order as well – far too vanilla.

Ionic’s pretty cool, with its fluted shaft and scroll-shaped tip (oh, matron!). Then there’s Corinthian, although perhaps that’s a little feminine and elaborate for a lumbering, heavy-set man of 6’3″.

I could go for the Composite order, but that’s just a mix of Ionic and Corinthian – the Pick ‘n’ Mix of structural engineering.

So that just leaves Solomonic – a column with a snakelike twisting effect from top to bottom. Yeah, that’s my selection for this occasion. It might not be the type I’d have installed in my house (to be fair, no style of column would suit a 1920s terrace in the working class zone), but it’s the top choice for this occasion. I tip my cap to the columnist who invented it.

Oh wait… columnist as in someone who writes for a newspaper. In that case, Charlie Brooker. *ahem*

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