Friday 7th November is Hug A Bear Day. Nawwww, that’s a nice one, isn’t it?
Yes it is… kind of. It’s all about teddy bears and their importance to a happy childhood, and perhaps even adulthood due to unbreakable emotional connections and a strong, furry grip on the nostalgia region of your brain.
However, be careful when choosing the ursine recipient of your affectionate squeezes, because some bears can cause problems. For example…
Like, really greedy.
To the extent that they should be extinct, or at least bedridden.
And then there’s the dancing.
The kind of dancing that makes you want to punch them square in the face.
Some seem nice, but they hang around with creepy weirdos.
And others are just plain creepy themselves.
Did I mention the greediness? Their blood pressure must be horrendous.
There’s the type that just wants to sell you stuff. You might as well make your kids hug Don Draper instead.
Then there are those that you don’t want anywhere near your kids. End of.
Or anywhere near your house in general.
And in the occasional extreme case, they can just stay the hell away from this planet entirely.
Don’t have a teddy bear to hug?
Get one from Amazon. Just make sure it doesn’t steal your honey, dance at inopportune moments, or hump your leg while you sleep.