Today is yet another double celebration: Waffle Day and Tolkien Reading Day.

I’m a big fan of waffles as they’re not only delicious but their design is ingenious – whether you choose a topping of jam, peanut butter, ice cream or honey, it fills up the honeycomb pattern as much as is physically possible. And if you’re a real pro you can consume a full jar of Nutella in just two regular sized waffles (providing you smear it on both sides and really lather it on).

I’m not, however, a big fan of Tolkien. Please don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean I dislike his work, in fact I do enjoy The Lord of the Rings films, but I’ve never actually read any of his books. To rectify this, today I heated some waffles and liberally coated them in all manner of sticky, sweet goodness. Sitting down with The Hobbit, I began to read of the hairy-footed hero’s adventures, but I didn’t manage a full paragraph before a huge glob of blueberry jam splattered all over the page. In trying to rub the offending substance from the book, I not only smeared the ink but also rubbed it straight through the paper and ruined at least two other pages of text. The epic quest had swiftly become an epic fail.

In the end I scoffed the waffles but gave up on the book. After all, with the text barely legible, I couldn’t work out what the author was Tolkien about.

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